Matthew 7:7-12

There is a type of seeking (and serving) which is very intentional and energetic. It has to be because at its core assumes God is way up in heaven and that intimacy with him is hard for us who are way down here on earth  (fallen wretches that we are)This type of wrong-heartedness evidences our entanglement in religion. It spills over into everything we do “in relationship” with Him and what we perceive we are doing “in ministry” for him.  It gets down into the very roots of how we perceive our selves (our identity) and how we perceive of God (His character). Truth be known, this deception is so subtle I could even now be operating out of a religious spirit – being religious about being non-religious. I would probably not know this if I had not been there and done that. And, like I said, maybe I’m doing it now.

You might ask, “Then why don’t you stop doing all you’re doing in case you’ve gone toxic in-religion again?” Fair question. I do it because the idea of telling my story to those whom has brought (and brings) my way came to me in a fashion I have learned to understand as God speaking.  First; This “word” came for the most part out of nowhere yet it sounded familiar. It didn’t come from behind me as a goad to perform. It came from in front of me as an invitation. It had a Father/son – let’s-do-this-together kind of feel.

Second: The familiarty may have come from His always present voice in the scriptures weighing in with its “yes” and “amen” saying; “Give an account of the hope that is within you.” “Comfort others with the comfort with which you have been comforted.” “Hold fast to your confession.” “Pass these things (I have taught you) onto other faithful men who will do the same. ”

Third: The prophetic word Daneille and I received at the beginning of 2013 that indicated our family was going to undergo a major change. This aligned with an attachement to the original word which was: “When you tell your story you will you will find family.” This final witness to the word I believe I had heard has been an ongoing joy as a community of spiritual friends and family with a passion to know Christ intimately has formed doing good deeds to boot everywhere they go.

When I discover I have drifted back and am operating out of this spirit, I feel a bit ill. It is as though I have betrayed him. When I am thinking that my doing of anything (my seeking or serving) effects his love for me or the fruit I bear in him, I have violated something very fundamental to the spirit of our relationship. In essence, I cannot reconcile “seeking” in this spirit to God with Jesus’ words….

Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!

God is a generous Father but we treat him like a reluctant slot-machine that only pays out with relationship, blessing or anointing when we adhere to a creed or heed the proscriptions of a our religious sub-cultures. While we are storming heaven with our zealous seeking, he is saying,

“Kids, I am down here already. Recall my address on earth is your heart. Keep this in mind when you are knocking and seeking. Paul understood this….

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

When I tell you I love you and I invite you to, in turn, love me and to seek me with all your heart, don’t let your feelings which have been conditioned by religion-birthed estrangement flavor your seeking. When I told you I would never leave nor forsake you, that means I am right here, right now in your heart and right here in the midst of your life in all its expressions. We are inseparable. Trouble in no way indicates my absence. Your heart becomes whole-hearted only when it is at rest in the reality of my immediate presence which is totally independent of your feelings and actions. I don’t descend on demand when you say my name. I’m here already! Simply ask.”

The lyrics to an old Jackson Browne song come to mind….

Father, my eyes have seen the years / And the slow parade of fears without crying
Now I want to understand  / I have done all that I could  / To see the evil and the good without hiding / You must help me if you can.
Father, my eyes tell me what is wrong  / Was I unwise to leave them open for so long ? /
Cause I have wandered through this world  / And as each moment has unfurled
I’ve been waiting to awaken from these dreams
People go just where they will / I never noticed them until I got this feeling  / That it’s later than it seems  / Father, my eyes  / Tell me what you see / I hear their cries / Just say if it’s too late for me  / Doctor, my eyes  cannot see the sky  / Is this the prize for having learned how not to cry?

I suppose its the seeking I hear in Brown’s poetic-honesty that has moved me. I wonder if there is not more hope in discovering God through a broken hearted minstrel’s search than through the seeking that tries to bring God down from way up there with zeal and methodology. This secular psalmist has captured the ache without the hope of Christ.  I trust he will forgive me for having substituted Father for Doctor in his lyrics.

Father, if we need to cry a bit over how we have thought about you and treated you, so be it. Apply your salve to our eyes. Tell us what you see. Fill our hearts with pure and simple devotion that trusts in you alone. Ween us of all the religious supplements  we take to improve our spiritual lives when you yourself are our life. Help us to rethink our thinking in light of your truth and grace ruled-kingdom. We aspire to love you rightly father. Amen.

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