Direction – Proverbs 4:20-27

My son, give attention to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them depart from your sight; keep them in the midst of your heart. For they are life to those who find them and health to all their body. Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life. Put away from you a deceitful mouth and put devious speech far from you. Let your eyes look directly ahead and let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. Watch the path of your feet and all your ways will be established. Do not turn to the right nor to the left; turn your foot from evil.

“My son.” What a nice ring that has to it! While I don’t remember those precise words as a lead-in to any of my talks with my father, I do recall the sentiment, “My son, what in the #*!! have you done now!” And, it was warranted. I don’t know how my poor father could have said otherwise. I was always in trouble. My grandmother would weigh in and remind me that I was even trouble in the womb, “You know, you #!*# near killed your mother.” I can identify with BIll Cosby here in thinking my name was “Jesus Christ.”  Dad, if you read MwM in heaven, just know, “I’m really sorry.”

The words, spoken over us as we grew, have profound influence over who we are. They are life to those who find them. If you don’t find them, well … there is death. I learned that it was not life and health to my whole being for me to think of myself as somebody with the unique skill to destroy and anvil with a rubber mallet. Hmm … Perhaps I should have started Cummins Destruction Company, gifted as I was.

My early 20’s were days of awakening, fueled by these questions; “Why am I so screwed up?!” and, “Why is the world so screwed up?!” I chose Alvin Toffler to explain the world’s problems. He believed I had been future shocked – a victim of an accelerated rate of technological and social change which left me disconnected and suffering from “shattering stress and disorientation.” I chose Thomas Anthony Harris to explain why I was not OK and others were.  I eventually graduated from Harris’ Transactional Analysis (TA) to the Maharish Mahesh Yogi’s Transcental Meditation (TM). I still recall my mantra; it was “ima.” I would quiet myself – breathe as instructed, and chant in my mind …ima … ima … ima. I also recall an epiphany I had while deep within myself … ima … ima … ima duffus … ima duffus. So much for pop psychology and eastern religion. Thank God I still had drugs and alcohol! 

As I was desperately looking for an answer, God graciously intercepted me while running with all my heart away from the many voices which all reminded me I was trouble incarnate. I gave God my life and I heard him say …

                                                                        Son. 

While that was a game changer, he added, “Whenever you fall (implying that I would) I will be there, immediately present, to lift you out of danger.” He also conveyed that Jesus’ name was magnificently glorious beyond all human comprehension and that the potency of his love dwarfed all powers. I know this is problematic for some since this word exceeded bible told me so – level revelation. If you were to ask me, “Then what did his voice sound like?” I would have to say that it resembled a bell in terms of clarity and that it came with the power and cadence of great ocean waves.

One would have thought that from this point on it would be “Bob’s my uncle” – everything would be hunky dory. Leaning on traditional definitions of hunky dory, this was not the case. There was still something in me that believed I was messed up. The voice sounded like, “My son, it is actually worse than you thought. You are not just a little messed up.” This set up a new inner dialogue.

The preachers informing me about my new faith did not follow through with the word God had spoken, affirming me that I was “OK” and you were “OK.” No, it now became: “I am monster of iniquity and so are you. Now go forth and share the good news!”  What was impeding the word God had clearly spoken and demonstrated from getting from my head to my heart?” The answer to this question is why one of the guiding truths of my life has become …

                     Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

I was a zealous Christian for 35 years before the words “My son” actually settled in my heart, revealing who I really am. Middle With Mystery is the story of my epiphany in devotional format. It is the scripture based account of how new creations can devolve into elder brothers and how elder brothers can enter into the party which Father continually hosts. Today, watching over my heart with all diligence means that I will war against ideas, philosophies and doctrines that suggest that I am primarily a monster. While that was true, I diligently guard my identity as a new creation and follow that thread to wherever it leads. Watching over my heart boils down to seeing myself as God sees me. Not only is Bob my uncle but God’s my Father.

Father, I see you with your arms open wide. I see the robe and the ring. I can almost taste the fatted calf. Whet our appetites Oh Lord. You are so good! Amen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Share via
Copy link
Powered by Social Snap