When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. (Matthew 6:5-6)

Jesus is always motivating us to live our short lives on earth in preparation for our long lives in eternity. In our passage, Jesus identifies giving and praying as preparatory activities for this brief phase of our long existence. And, as always, He is not just concerned about the outward expression; He is concerned about the inward motivation, which equips our hearts for the long haul. Jesus is not alone. The Holy Spirit is our counselor and teacher. For eternity’s sake, He is showing us the why’s behind the what of our activity. He knows how the calamity in Eden disabled our hearts. He knows we are, in fact, enabled with a genius, not just for doing wrong, but with a capacity to do right things for wrong reasons.

We departed Eden with rejection and insecurity deeply embedded into our persona. So much so, we are readily willing to sell our souls for affirmation and acclaim. In and around 2010, the Holy Spirit helped me see that throughout my life I had spent most of my energies garnering the approval of men and avoiding the pain of rejection. This motivation set me up for trouble in the church where gold stickers, presentation Bibles, and titles await the faithful yet insecure doer.

Doing, with the motivation, consciously or not, to receive approval is the flesh operating out of insecurity and pride. We can do much out of this motive, but Jesus is telling us straight up—this momentary approval will be the extent of our reward. He is saying there is much more for us in Christ, beyond the applause of men. The Holy Spirit, in his sovereign way, is always working in the arena of our why’s, helping us to avoid our vain and short-sighted what’s. How is this playing out in contemporary Christendom? Let’s explore.

An exodus from church is taking place, which is being documented by George Barna, Wayne Jacobsen, and others. This is a painful subject because myself and other dear friends are a part of this exodus. I began writing this blog to explore the backstory to this exit from institutions, which I believe has to do, in large part, with religion. The definition for religion, as I use the word, is: any system of thought or practice whereby the doing of it causes me to think I have gained the favor of God. I got caught with my hand in this cookie jar. Here is the Reader’s Digest version of how my salvation got worked out with no shortage of fear and trembling.

While receiving all the gold stickers the church could award, I slowly went spiritually bankrupt. This elder-teacher-worship leader had received his full reward. Was I an anomaly? Was I the only bundle of man-fearing insecurity? I suspected not and my imagination took off. I imagined a scenario where others, like myself, were also working for approval out of their own insecurity (in Jesus’ name of course). It didn’t seem like a far-fetched notion in light of the relational pain I saw behind the scenes inside my local church.

In that setting, I believed I was witnessing a kind of unholy transaction where both parties (pastors and parishioners) were being harmed in the exchange. The church, needy for labor, was gladly purchasing the doings of insecure people with their array of short-term motivators. Both the buyer and the seller were satisfied with the bargain, at least in the short term. What was happening though in the long term? What would become of a system where so many people are induced by internal and external forces to do good things for wrong reasons? Doesn’t this create a sort of co-op of codependency where everyone forfeits the greater reward the Father is aspiring to give? If my projection is accurate (and the verdict is still out), the church would be presenting something to the world far beneath the glory God intended for his Bride.

I’m not proud of the fact that I am not attending church. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to explore what I thought I was seeing. The pastor of our church said I was a “watchman” so I thought it was my obligation to try and communicate what I was seeing. (I now know watchman is code for one who sees things which might be terrifically unpopular if shared.)

Perhaps my efforts to describe what I was seeing left something to be desired, but I gave it my all and it resulted in censure. My all produced so much tension I decided it would be best if this watchman (whatever that is) simply walked—if not for God’s leading (which I believed I had) then for the sake of everyone’s sanity. The separation has been painful, but I’m certain the mental health of the parish and this former-parishioner are better off.

Heart note: There was a phase I went through in my local church flame-out where I was exceedingly frustrated with the local church and its leaders (and I was one of them). It would have been easy to walk away at that time. My reasons would have mirrored those who had already exited as well as those toying with the idea. However, had I left in a huff, which was SOP, I knew I would be forgoing the work God had slated for my heart.

My anger, which had nothing to do with the local church, would have escaped the cross. I would have walked out as a victim who was unwilling to take responsibility for his own heart. I would have blamed my burn out on the weakness of the local church and its leadership. Most damaging, I would have left with judgments in my heart toward others. The cost of that transaction would have been immense.

MwM is essentially what was bottled up inside me while I was inside the local church. And, it is what has been percolating since. It is my message in a bottle to those remaining in the institution—especially its leaders. I saw the exodus coming. I see it underway. I never aspired to encourage it. I was just trying to warn us of the religious undercurrent fueling it, hoping we could jointly identify and deal with the religious why’s behind this exodus what.

Lord, may Your Spirit liberate us from every unworthy temporal motivation. Expose us where we are spending our currency on that which is not bread. Persist until our motives are refined and we are resting from our works in the security of Your great love. Amen.

 

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