John, the disciple of whom it was rumored, Jesus especially loved, explains his motives for recording today’s passage …

These things have been written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and in believing you may have life in His name. (John 20:31)

The first question God asks us is …

Do you believe in me?

Our honest “Yes Lord” (which is also a gift) is our modest contribution to our rebirth. God lays the foundation stone, in Christ, and the human spirit is awakened to the possibility of communion with God. Eternity has overtaken our hearts and we are born anew! However, the next question will determine what gets built on this new foundation …

Do you love Me?

How do you respond? For many years this question deeply troubled me. I wanted to say with Peter, “Lord, you know that I love You” but there was a problem. That sentence, which I longed to say, would hang up in my conscience, which readily informed me that my life did not meet the criteria permitting such a reply. My foundation was in place in Christ and I enjoyed God’s favor in so many ways but I was still troubled. In the depths of me I believed construction delays were being caused by my inability to say, with clear conscience, “Lord, I love you.”

I was haunted by a sense of unworthiness so, I just built it into my theology. It was like a perfect marriage (but one made in hell), “Do you Rob (insecure to the core) accept Depravity as your partner?” I responded wholeheartedly, “I do.” The vows had been exchanged and the two had become one. The merger resulted in a new identity and an elder brother was birthed.

This all made so much sense. God is great and I am not. He is large and I am small. He is holy so I must live in brokenness, which I thought of as the heart’s ongoing commitment to recall; my sins are ever before me. At this point I was all about the chores – I was now helping with construction. I read, prayed, studied, served and led. In my labors, I held out a feint hope for myself; if I did my chores well, perhaps one day I will turn that corner and break into that place others speak of, known as abiding. I reasoned; if I did my chores wholeheartedly as unto the Lord, perhaps I would one day (probably after I’m dead) hear Him say, “Well done good and faithful servant.”

Ultimately God, in His kindness (which I confess, felt severe at times) led me to repentance for my elder brother, works-oriented heart. He had heard my repeated cry; “Search me and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way.” (Psalm 139:23,24)

Had God not loved me while I was yet a sinner? Could anything have separated me from His love? How did the idea that I was not measuring up coexist with my salvation? It can easily happen because our hearts, even though they have been reborn, are not immune to deception.

Christian growth has many names; discipleship, transformation, spiritual formation or sanctification. Since, I am a contractor, I think of it all as construction – a building project spread out over a lifetime. The project has an architect, a general contractor, a location, a plan, a foundation, a superstructure and one very important laborer – us. We can sleep in, go on strike, call in sick or even retire, or we can learn to carry our load – which, it turns out, is light.

Job abandonment is insane though; if we are not on the job, the enemy is going to sneak into the project, steel materials, vandalize, scribble on the plans and disrupt the process however he can. He is a master thief and opportunist. And, If we show up, wearing our elder brother hat, we will assist him in construction delays.

A major project milestone is met when we show up and acknowledge we are exhausted and can labor no more. At this point, the foundation is restored and the superstructure can proceed. God is once again building upon Christ and Christ alone. A lie has been exposed; we cannot work hard enough to earn God’s approval. Believing you are saved yet do not measure up is a hurtful way because it undermines the beautiful structure God has vowed to complete, in Christ.

God exposed the lie. He rescued my heart which had become conditioned to laboring in a vacuum of grace. Today, I can freely respond to the Lord, “I love You”. This liberty is certainly one of the more attractive features of the project! My renewed conscience informs me today that I am God’s possession and He is mine. We are each other’s treasure! It really is finished! Further labor to win approval is nonsensical and destructive.

John not only out-raced Peter to the empty tomb, he was also first to rest in God’s love. One who can rest his head upon God’s chest is no longer working for approval. This soul is at liberty to simply enjoy God’s company. Did Jesus have a greater love for John than Peter? I don’t think so. John had simply presumed upon his friendship with Jesus and discovered that the foundation held up. The New Testament message is good because what John experienced is available to all who come to Jesus. John presumed upon God’s love and the rumors followed.

My first encounters with Jesus began with a literal inundation of God’s love. In spite of the obvious message in this experience, I reasoned (in my insecurity); Rob (you screw up), you better work diligently so that you don’t jack this up like everything else in your life. In my labors, I became the classic elder brother, alienating myself from Father’s affection. His perceived attitude toward me seemed so unfair since I believed I had done my chores so diligently for so long and so much better than my siblings. What can be said to us elder brothers?  Here is what I eventually heard …

Congratulations on that performance! Enjoy the brief applause (even if its only your hands clapping) because you have just received your reward in full. 

If we must have a blue print to followI would suggest one depicting a heart, steeped so thoroughly in God’s grace that it is privately and continually saying to Him, face to face, “Lord, I love you. I love you! I love you!!” This beautiful structure can rise from the ashes only because we have ceased from our labors. We have finally realized (experientially) that God has loved us first. With His cross – the demonstration of His love, He has permanently and totally demolished the basis for our guilt-laden introspection and labors. That false foundation has been obliterated! This is the really good news about the Good News!

I can testify that a heart laboring for approval paints a huge works-shaped bullseye on our back – a nearly perfect target for the enemy’s fiery missiles. When the missiles hit, the result is initially condemnation, then our response follows; it is either depression or, more typically (for the devout), a doubling-down on religious resolve which is driven more by fear than love. There is a problem though; Working without resting produces religion.

Religion is one of the most hurtful things that can grow in a human heart. It is every bit as ugly as debauchery but it can look pretty good, depending on your angle of view. We elder brothers and Pharisees have stacked one good work upon another, liking what we see. Sadly, others have viewed it and found it rigid, unattractive and even bizarre in appearance.

Father, may we realize the life we have in Your name. We pray that You would demolish the foundations of religion in our hearts – these places always teetering between self-condemnation and self-congratulations. Demo the places where we are measuring worth by performance. Teach us to live boldly at rest in Your love. May the world watch as we rest our heads upon Your chest. May we live so that others will believe. And as with John, may the rumors spread. Amen.

Share via
Copy link
Powered by Social Snap