John 21:1-19

Jesus had come and gone. His life on earth had begun as a divine embryo and concluded at His ascension as a glorified resurrected human. The offering of His sinless life met the demands of God’s justice, giving any human being who would believe in Him the power to also become a son of God and ultimately enjoy a glorified eternal body. John, the disciple of whom it was rumored that Jesus especially loved, explains his motives for recording his account;

“…these things have been written that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and in believing you may have life in His name.”

So, the first question God asks us is, “Do you believe in me?” An honest “yes” reply is our part to the laying of the foundation stone; the human spirit is awakened (regenerated) and the possibility of spirit to Spirit communion with God is restored. Eternity in heaven is also secured for those born anew. The next question however will determine what will be built on the new foundation, “Do you love Me?”

How do you respond to this question when He asks? For many years this question deeply troubled me. I wanted to say with Peter, “Lord, you know that I love You” but that response would get hung up somewhere in my conscience which was incorrectly informing me that my life did not meet the criteria that would permit such a reply. My foundation was firmly in place and I enjoyed God’s favor in many ways but I was still troubled, being concerned that nothing was being built on that foundation that would last for want of being able to freely say, “Lord, I love You”.

During this season I was burdened with a sense of non-compliance – of just not quite measuring up. I was devout; reading, praying, studying, serving, etc., holding out for myself a faint hope that one day I might get it together; that I would turn that corner and that I might finally qualify and break into that place of abiding, freedom, intimacy and power.

Ultimately God, in His kindness, which I will note felt severe at times, led me to repentance for my works– oriented heart. He had heard my repeated cry to “search me and know my heart; to try me and know my anxious thoughts and see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way“. (Psalm 139:23,24) To those who have said their “Yes” to the Father, I can testify that the idea circulating in our minds, that we are not measuring up; that there are unmet criteria in our lives, can exist without our really even being conscious of it. This qualifies as a hurtful way. It is hurtful because attempting to comply undermines grace.

Today, because God exposed and dealt with my heart which had become conditioned to laboring in a vacuum of grace, I freely can say back to the Lord, “I love You”. Today my conscience informs me correctly that I am My beloved’s and He is mine. More has been built on the foundation of my “belief” in Christ as my savior since this change than I could have ever imagined possible. It really IS FINISHED! Jesus’ sinless life met all the criteria for acceptance that I would ever need to concern myself with!

My guess is that John not only out-raced Peter to the empty tomb but he also was the first to personally find rest in God’s love. He rested his head on Jesus chest as a friend who did not labor for His approval. He was just enjoying God’s immediate presence. I do not believe that Jesus had any greater love and preference for John than He did for the other disciples or us for that matter. I believe John’s confidence in God’s love for him just naturally set him apart and the rumors followed.

My walk with Christ began with a literal inundation of God’s love after I first believed; then I alienated myself from that place of rest – compensating for deep-seated insecurities by attempting to meet what I believed was the criteria for discipleship. For some that criteria may be the observance of religious rites or rituals; it may be the disciplines you have subjected yourself to; perhaps it is adherence to the code of life you have constructed. Congratulations for your compliance efforts! Enjoy the brief applause because you have just received your reward in full.

If we must have a criteria for discipleship, I would suggest a simple one – a heart that is steeped so thoroughly in God’s grace that it is continually saying to Him, face to face, “Lord, I love you. I love you!! I love you!!!”  The declaration would not be made because we think we are scoring relatively high in regard to compliance, production or performance but because God has loved us first and with His cross, has permanently destroyed the basis for our guilt-laden introspection.

Note; I can testify that a heart laboring for approval paints a huge works-shaped bullseye on us for the enemies fiery missiles. When the missile hits, the result is initially condemnation, then our response; either depression or more typically for the devout, a redoubling of religious resolve that is driven more by fear of God than love for Him. Working instead of resting produces religion – perhaps the most deadly cancer that could be planted in the heart of a man. Religion that is based on the idea that something man can do could ever win God’s favor might look impressive but it will just be a noisy “gong” of a sound if it is not born of love.

Father, we pray that you would assault the strongholds of religion in our hearts – these places that are always teetering between either self- condemnation or self-congratulations; these places where we measure our worth by our compliance to human standards of moral performance. Destroy this type of “religion” and teach us to instead rest our head confidently back onto Your chest and live in rest and serve You out of an authentic love. Amen.