John 17:20-26

My attention is drawn to verse 22. “And the glory which Thou hast given Me I have given to them; that they may be one…..that the world may know….”

I was recently involved in a discussion on the subject of humility. A few of us attempted to describe how our understanding of this word had been transformed. The word “glory” in verse 22 has further provoked my thoughts regarding humility.

A great deal of my Christian life has been lived as a devout religious person. After discovering God’s love for me, which was 100% free and unearned, I quickly devoted myself to living in a manner that would please Him. I studied the Bible. I memorized scripture. I witnessed. I fellowshipped. I prayed. All these things I did diligently which created opportunities for leadership.

However, as I ascended along this standard pathway of Christian growth, my heart, strangely, seemed to be on more of a downward trajectory. I was struggling privately with sin. I had been growing progressively barren of joy and suffered with some significant depression. Many of my key relationships were strained or broken. I was growing progressively angry at the unfairness of this. How could it be that while I was devoting myself to doing good I was personally doing so badly!! My solution was always to redouble my commitment and rededicate myself to the spiritual disciplines which usually ended up just producing more guilt as I failed to ever study, pray or witness enough to overcome the shame I had grown accustomed to as the normal load of my cross to bear.

Nothing could have been more apparent to me than the fact that my depraved nature was a domineering force that I would be wrestling with (and apparantly loosing to) until the day I die. Sure enough; my heart was just like the bible had said; it was desperately sick. All that I could find comfort (and a bit of pride) in was the fact that Paul and I each understood that we were the chiefs of sinners and that even though we concurred with the law of God at one level, we were really prisoners to the law of sin (our depravity) on another.

Well…it turns out that it was true; my heart was sick, just as Jeremiah had said. However, it was not with “sin” in its conventional manifestations of fleshly desire as I (and most of the church) had believed, that was my problem. With a little help from my friends, within a process overseen by the Holy Spirit, I finally realized that I was a prisoner of another more subtle (yet no less deadly) aspect of my depraved nature: its predisposition toward religion. With my fallenness-fixation, I thought of humility as something I must do; reminding myself continually that as a descendent of Adam’s I was a monster of iniquity – a man driven from God’s presence; a being whose entire motive was to live independent of God’s rule. I was running my race with the identity of a fallen man out of my obligation-orientated definition of humility. I humbled myself with zeal, devotion and deep conviction until I “hit the wall” a few years ago both physically and spiritually. 

After the Spirit used this place of weakness and pain to bring some authentic repentance (i.e.; renewing of the mind) regarding my true identity, I have changed my definition of humility. Today, from this new vantage point, I simply define humility as that state of heart where I am agreeing with God in regards to who He says that I am. The impact of this on my experience with God has been radical! My conversion as a sin-addicted prodigal son produced a truly dramatic transformation in my life. My conversion as a religious-addicted elder brother has been no less dramatic.

I am not sure which burden was heavier, blatant sensual sin, or subtle, devout religious flesh so prideful and blind that it could somehow imagine itself qualifying for God’s love. So, as one twice -converted, I consider them both; “the sinful” and the “religious” expressions of “the flesh” to be deadly. But… I believe the “religious spirit” does more damage. Matt 6:23 refers to a light that is in us that can actually be dark and that can be very great. I think the religious expression of our depraved natures are darker because outwardly they can look great. It is rewarded with honors, titles and the accolades of men. It is put in charge of things. The great tragedy is that it cannot lead out of love because it does not feel loved. (That is why its working.) It is working out of insecurity and obligation as it attempts to compensate for its distorted identity.

Jesus intended for the cross to be the place where He finished His work so that we could be relieved of our work in making ourselves acceptable to God. The religious lifestyle of living to please God gave off a light but it was a cold dark light. It was the daily fighting of this unwinnable war with my flesh which I perceived was the cross I was to pick up daily as my load if I was to be a follower of Christ. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.

Father, I pray for that day when Your glory will be apparent in us, Your children, as “religion” is exposed for what it is, an impossible pathway to You and a satanic means of entrapment. I pray for that day when the Kingdom’s sons and daughters are released into the freedoms that the cross was intended to produce in and through us; that from this place of security and rest we will actually move toward each other in love, creating a glorious unity that even the world must acknowledge. Amen.

“And the glory which Thou hast given Me I have given to them; that they may be one…..that the world may know….“