Psalm 102:1-28
Some of us have been through rough stretches emotionally. I have gone through seasons where the Psalms were about all I could (or would) read. In those times it was that part of the Bible that rang the truest to me. I found them refreshing because of the gut honesty of the authors. That is a big deal to me – having a Holy Spirit inspired writer giving me permission, by way of their example, to be gut honest with myself and with God. When I grasped this, my quiet times were not-so-quiet anymore.
I know this is not very reverent but two recurring themes I distinctly recall from these seasons of emotional duress and growing openness were; “WHAT IS THE DEAL!!??” and “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!??”. Warning: If you pray like this in public, you will forfeit opportunities to lead out in future corporate prayer. Note; If you aspire to pray publicly, shouting and weeping should also be avoided. I love the Psalms because they pull the mask of religious pretense.
This psalmist’s days were filled with distress and illness. As he wept and withered away, he pleaded with God, “Hear my prayer! Let my cry for help come before You! Listen to me!” While the anguished writer has no sense of God’s personal attention, he did take his remaining energy and refocus it on something he was more confident about. He seemed to reason; “Even if I may have fallen off God’s radar, certainly Israel, the object of His compassion has not.”
In his emotional drift, it is as though gut honesty allows the Psalmist’s anchor to catch somewhere way down below the fickle emotional currents and and lay hold of the firm reality of God’s goodness. From this place, emotional equilibrium is restored and he is then able to think, write and proclaim with new clarity and fresh authority.
A brief story. A pastor friend asked me a few years ago, why I thought businessmen did not attend his church (which is ultra-positive and upbeat). I admired him for even asking the question; most of them aren’t being paid to ask questions. They are paid instead to have answers, to maintain (or build) buildings, to keep church programs running and preach, preach, preach. The institutional leadership pool knows intuitively that questions can undermine it’s charge, the 501(c)(3), of the type of momentum and motivation it must have to perpetuate itself.
My response to him was that life in general has never been perpetually upbeat and positive. There is something incongruent that I suspect may be unsettling to businessmen who are mostly realists – people who rarely see idealistic circumstances prevail for long. It had escaped my pastor friend’s notice that businessmen and psalmists had this trait in common.
I used to occasionally speak to groups of Christians. When I did, I usually just shared my story, which has some messy pieces in it, emotionally speaking. I usually tried to get feedback. The responses were interesting. The religious would ask; “Brother, where was the victory in that?” Or, “Brother, what sin are you harboring that has caused you to have such a negative testimony?” Or, (a favorite) “Brother, why are you not in proper submission to authority?” I confess that I have an involuntary twitch now when someone calls me “brother”.
Then there were the hungry (those a bit poorer in spirit perhaps) who would just breathe a big deep sigh of relief as they heard someone just being emotionally honest with them. They were so glad that someone handling a microphone has struggled like they have and are willing to be honest about it. The positive aspect of my story is not that God has exempted me (in Jesus’ name) from life’s messiness; it is that He is with me in the midst of the mess and leads me through it. I’ve noticed at my friend’s church a testimony seems to get more amen’s by getting delivered from something than enduring that something. I’ve also noticed a great deal of pre-emptive religious energies seem to get employed in an effort to make life work out like the American Dream.
I recall one sermon where a pastor got transparent and shared (with genuine fear and trembling) that he had said a curse word after missing a free throw. Well, actually he spelled it; “S-H-O-O-T! “. My involuntary response to this scandal was “Oh S – # – ! – T! I am toast if this is how the score is being kept!” I had a grandmother who was apparently a sailer and a father who was a contractor. They were practically artists in profanity. Shoot, I was proud I didn’t just release an oath there in the sanctuary from the foul thesaurus that is my brain. I don’t think I was alone in feeling that I would never clear the bar of the standard that was just set so high. That is probably the glorious day that I decided to quit jumping at all.
My conclusion: Transparency produces credibility and credibility is a root of authentic authority. This is one reason why I think pastors with professional smiles can have credibility / authority problems with businessmen. Note; This was not intended to be a Joel Osteen dog-pile session. JO may be the real deal. I hope so.
In my story, while brokenness has had its place, I no longer highlight it as my singular cross to bare or as the premier value in the Christian life. (I actually did at one time in order to justify my own spirituality). In my painful emotional drift (which is also known as depression) I logged many emotionally raw hours in God’s presence, asking questions with bitter undertones and getting very few answers and zero apologies.
My anchor did catch though (finally) and a great deal of emotional stability was restored as well as a new spiritual vitality that I had forgot even existed. I can’t emphasize enough how crucial being emotionally honest is in walking with God. I believe people want to be led by those who have shared the trials and the pain they have known. Jesus was a man like us who suffered and was tempted just as we are. This qualifies Him to lead us now. He is our safe place. In our transparency we can be safe spaces for others. The great news is that God will use the messy, non-professional, Christ dependent bricks of our lives to build HIs Church.
Father, thank you for giving us permission to be real and honest. Would you show us how to move forward in creating these safe places for each other. Continue to encourage us in becoming the honest psalmists You desire us to be, who worship You daily in Spirit and Truth. Help us to press on to know You through every emotional barrier that would tempt us to think we are lost or unworthy. Deliver us from the evil of setting or trying to meet standards which are nothing more than sad imitations of holiness and distractions to the authentic life we have in Christ. Amen.