Fear (Friday) – 2 Timothy 1:6-12

2 Timothy 1:6-12

In the 7th grade, a classmate of mine lost control of his bowels during class. Sadly, he was never to be seen again. My own personal classroom catastrophe occurred the next year in speech class. I had two primary character traits when I was 14. I was lazy and I was painfully shy. These liabilities merged on the fateful day I was to deliver my first speech.

When my name was called to come to the stage fear struck my soul like a lightening bolt. Although the sting is finally gone, I can still recall standing on that stage in front of this group (I desperately wanted acceptance from) with zero preparation and fear paralyzing my mind and powers of speech. What I might have said was lost – sucked up into the intensifying storm that was raging in my mind, composed mostly of self condemnation and self pity. In my own way, I had soiled my pants publicly and, in a sense, that was the last that was seen of me for a long long time.

Timothy, it seems, was also shy. He was fortunate to have an affectionate mentor to encourage and even goad him to acknowledge that his nature had been altered and that his timidity had been displaced by the presence of something (actually Someone) greater.

For God has not given us a spirit of of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.

The speech class debacle confirmed my deepest fear, one that I had been flirting with since I was quite young and especially since going from a grade school class of 20 into a junior high class of 200. It was my conviction that I was worthless. The other thing I discovered when I was 13 was alcohol. For the following decade, I eased my agony in social settings with liquid courage. By the time I was 23, I was well on my way to alcoholism. By the time I met Christ in 1976, the dark thoughts that had attached themselves to me in the eighth grade had progressively strengthened and coiled around my identity so tightly that I knew I would soon suffocate. I was not a spiritual person but I knew something evil and powerful held me in its power.

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord.

When I gave myself to Christ I held nothing back (that I knew of) and behold, a miracle occurred! Whatever, or whoever, had a death grip on me was apparently evicted. When Christ came in, that thing left. There was never a more astonished soul than I was, realizing that I had just been set free. Liberated prisoners tend to be grateful to their liberators. They tend to be vocal in their praises. That was me. A new spirit of boldness and strength and love had somehow won the battle for my soul. The shy introvert could not keep from sharing about the new Life he had found (or had found him).

It turns out the deepest and truest thing about me was not that I was shy and lazy. I went back to college which was the scene of another grand flameout, and discovered I was not stupid, which I forgot to mention was another core conviction of my old life. I was raised from the dead and began reading and cooperating (as best I knew how) with the new Spirit within me. It was a true 180 degree turnabout.

I was quite blessed to meet a company of others who had been raised to new life as well, who were there along side me reminding me and assisting me in “kindling afresh” the gifts that were in me by virtue of Christ’s presence. As a means of declaration and prayer, I like to personalize the scripture…….

Father, you have saved me and called me with a holy calling, not according to my works, but according to Your own purpose and grace which was granted me in Your Son from all eternity, but has now been revealed by the appearance of Jesus, who abolished death, and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel….Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! I know You! I believe in You! I am convinced that You are able to guard what I have entrusted to You (which is all of me) until that day. Amen.