When I hear the directive to watch over my heart with all diligence I immediately think of Jesus as the Lord over the “why’s” of “what” I do. It is in our hearts where our why’s form and direct our lives – why we think this or that ultimately shapes what we choose to do, which in turn determines the courses of our lives. The “why” in our heart is the spring we are commanded to steward. In a kingdom where the primary law is love “whys” are a big deal. In lives that will ultimately stand before God and give an account, “whys” are a really big deal. David, the psalmist-king knew this…..”O Lord, you examine me and know. You know when I sit down and when I get up; even from far away you understand my motives. (i.e. my “whys”).
I think the author of Hebrews knew this as well when he said, “No creature is hidden from God, but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account (NET).” The NAS translates this same phrase as with Him whom we have to do. Just prior to this he had said,
The word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.
We enter this world with a fallen bent on getting from it what we want when we want it. When we are not doing that (which is practically never) we are protecting ourselves form getting hurt. There is a problem with this. We cannot love well with these as our “why’s” – the thoughts and intentions of our hearts. Someone may be protesting, thinking. “Wait a minute here! I play the piano at my church.” or, “I am an elder.” or, “I am a this or I am a that.” When we give an account of our lives to God one day, are these the things we really want to tell Him? I don’t think so.
That is why God tells us that our hearts and their “whys” are a big deal, because everything (all of life) depends on what flows from this spring. The Word and the Spirit asks, “Why do you play the piano at your church? What motivates you to be an usher? A Sunday school teacher or a missionary?” Our motives are varied but here is a sampler of possible responses; There is no one else to do it. / I like doing it. / I have been doing it so long it is just my habit. / It’s my duty. / It’s my gift. / I have been called to this ministry. These may be fine motives but sometimes these are just what we tell ourselves while God (who prefers compassion above sacrifice) is searching us for an even deeper “why”.
What if our good deeds are being done simply because they are what we wanted when we wanted it and we are doing them out of hearts that are hurt and/or wounded. There are an incredible number of people who are burning out in their God-serving – just going through the motions. I speculate its because selfish or wounded hearts are incapable of going the distance and the Lord of our “whys” is mercifully intervening. The Word is exposing hurtful ways of the heart (born of our flesh) that are harmful now and will be even more costly later.
If you feel threatened or offended by this post, count it all joy. Consider the possibility that your flesh is reacting to the sword of the Spirit that is coming threateningly close to your heart, or that your Lord has identified something you have mistakenly claimed as your own. Consider that this disruption might be the beginnings of a work of grace within your heart. Wounded hearts are notorious for being insecure and defensive. Insecure fleshly hearts are ingenious at carving out territory, claiming turn and titles for themselves; I am over the Sound Booth. / That was my idea. / I am Pastor. Again, “I am this and I am that.” If we have founded our identity and self worth upon a title or an activity, there are deep and hurtful ways operating in our motives. God has something so much higher – a promised land of abundant life. If we will let Him work in the deeper places of our hearts, He can take us there. It is what we were created for. This is God’s “why” and it must become ours as well. It is our inheritance and our destiny.
While we are defending our turf and keeping a safe distances from others and God (guarding our wounded hearts) we will inevitably be trafficking in religion – various hurtful ways of compensating for the fact that our hearts are not at rest in Christ. When we stand before Him, Jesus wants us all to be able to say, “Lord, You alone were my satisfaction, my sufficiency, the source of my joy and my strength. The only reason I am here is because You first loved me. Because of Your relentless pursuit of me, my love has been growing. Your presence in my heart has allowed me to serve you more and more out of love. Thank You! Thank You for delivering me from the tyranny of the unseen “whys” of my heart and the subtle hell of religion it had led me into.
Father, make religion an enemy You place beneath Your feet. Continue to pursue and slay every last remnant of this foe even where he has so cleverly hidden himself in the thoughts and intentions of our hearts. Set us free into Your very own liberty and joy. For our heart-pleasure and Your name’s sake. Amen.
Perhaps we could use a different “i am”, something like, “i am your servant. May i wash wash your feet?” What do you think friends…if I said that to you, how would you respond?