by RobertCummins | May 12, 2014 | 19. The Resurrection
I find the dates and events of history interesting but the human personalities who helped fashion that history and who had to endure it absolutely fascinate me. I love to hear their stories in order to learn the whys beneath the whats. Since everything begins with our hearts, I like knowing the motives behind the deeds. That is why Mary Magdalene stands out to me in today’s passage. I have imagined a scene where Mary has been asked to tell her story.
In my fiction I see her having outlived her fellow disciples. She is an old woman now whose body is nearly worn out yet whose spirit is still vibrant and it can be seen in her eyes and heard in her voice. It is her eightieth birthday and she is being honored by the community of saints she has lived among for so many years. She has just received a gift that seems to have taken her voice away and filled her eyes with hot tears. She and the room are silent but the room is filled with an aroma and a presence. In her lap with the lid removed is an alabaster vial.
After many minutes had passed she dried her eyes and addressed her benefactors, “I am speechless with gratitude. How could you have done this!” Still coming to terms with the unreal generosity and thoughtfulness represented by the exquisite item on her lap, she blurts out, “Oh my, oh my! I know you precious people. How you must have sacrificed to come by something like this! Gripped by a fresh thought and trying to make eye contact with every person in the room, she says with a level voice, “As you know, I am familiar with the cost of such things.”
The little girls, taken in by the object’s smell and appearance mobbed Aunt Mary, assaulting her with a barrage of questions. With her grip slightly tighter on the vial she allows each child to touch it and take in it’s potent fragrance. As each child takes their turn, Mary says to the larger gathering, “Your gift has taken me back to past events, some of which I recall nearly every hour and then again, to other days and things I have not thought of at all for many years. Many of you know the general drift of it but none of you have heard the whole story. May I disclose to you dear friends a bit more of it? If it is alright with the parents, let’s send the children out of doors for a bit. Ok?”
“I was born into a very very poor family with too many mouths to feed. I was always hungry for both food and attention. Both were In short supply in this house where, of necessity, all were focused on the business of not starving. From my first memories, I recall every one being chased out the door in the morning with the understanding that we were to beg, borrow and steal anything that might help sustain us. The streets were where I lived until the law intervened taking my parents away as the ringleaders of their own little den of thieves. This was when I was probably about 10. I had not yet become a woman.
We children scattered like rats when the authorities came. I never knew what happened to some of my siblings. Most of us were taken in by extended family or like me, by an opportunist who saw in me possibilities. At first I was in awe of the portions of food I was given and the attention I received. Never had I experienced anything like this. Compared to my street existance I thought I had become a princess until my ward began letting men come into my room. It was then I realized I was a slave and I was going to be used.
I was a street-wise kid, so I knew about prostitutes. They marketed themselves in public. But I did not know that brokers who sold their wares privately marketed children. Even though I was already a hate-filled little thief, I was still a child in my body when horrible horrible things began to happen.” Mary went silent again for a long time. When she began again, she whispered, “Lord forgive them, they didn’t know what they were doing.”
What was left of my innocense was taken from me and I assure you, I forgave no one. You might ask, “Why didn’t you run a way?” I did a few times and sadly I returned because, as filthy as it was, it was preferable to starvation. And, in a twisted way, I did have plenty of attention and as I grew into a woman I was receiving more and more of that. I would be a liar if I were to tell you that I did not enjoy the attention. This is how I became a prostitute.
You learn quickly what you must do if you want to eat and not get hurt. If you do well some would leave tips. These I shared with no one. Everyone of those coins were my treasures. I had paid dearly for each of them. Doing what I did causes things to die inside you. Hope dies. Love dies. Any semblance of goodness dies. In its place grows a hard and haughty spirit that lives only for its next coin. There was really nothing else, nothing in my heart at all except…” and Mary lifted the alabaster vial from her lap, “This.”
“When I was 18, I took my coins and I bought a vial nearly identical to this. Nothing had ever given me as much pleasure as my alabaster vial full of spikenard. It was a treasure by anyone’s standard, even a princess. This vial was really all I had to show for my life. It was the center of it. I would have never even loosened my grip on it had I not met the One in whose name we gather. Here is what happened….
It was approaching evening and all the women with families were returning to their homes. As their day was concluding mine was just beginning. This was when I saw three men coming toward me. “Ah”, I thought, “customers.” As I made my typical moves toward them, I noticed two of them peeled off as if to avoid me; only one kept walking straight at me. “Oh no!” As he came nearer I recognized who it was. It was the Rabi from Galilee, the one rumored to be the Messiah. I had just turned to run, knowing he would make me feel small and dirty like all religious people do, when he said, “Mary wait. We must talk.”
I was frozen in my tracks. “We must talk? About what? My sin?” Something volcanic within me was rising up. It was hatred. It was boiling in me. With uncontrolled anger and arrogance, I unloaded on him. “You want to talk about my sin! Well my sin is my vocation. If you want anything from me, show me your money or get out of my face!” I was screaming, “Time is money.” He just said, “Mary, I’m Jesus and I didn’t come to talk about your sin.”
When I heard the name “Jesus”, I felt as if I were being ripped in two. Something in me wanted so desperately to respond civilly to the kind nature of this man who had come near to me without the typical motive. Yet something more powerful was drowning that voice with vile utterances. It was as though someone (or someones) other than I were speaking. It was my throat and lips forming the oaths but it was no longer even my voice. I remember my arms flailing away when the last thing I heard was Jesus forcefully saying, “Come out of her!”
I awakened lying on the pavement. The first eyes that met mine were those of Jesus. I immediately said, ” My sin is my daily bread. Please leave me. I am lost.” His eyes never left mine. He said again, “Mary, I did not come to speak about your sin. I came here to tell you to sell all that you have and come follow me.” I said, “Teacher, I have no wealth to give away.” His eyes were piercing my soul when he ask, “So, you have no treasure?” My mind went immediately to my alabaster vial. I once again went silent. He and I both knew. He took my hands and helped me to my feet. Without letting go of them, looking into my eyes, he said, ‘Go and sin no more.’ Since it has been spoken of ever since, everyone knows what happened that evening at the party I crashed.
Returning from her reverie, she said to all, “That is an untold part of my story and I suspect it is yours as well, isn’t it” For those of us who follow him, he is faithful to reveal competing treasures. And finally, thank you again for such a gift. This kind of irresponsible extravagance is exactly the kind of stunt he would pull. Bless you all.”
Father, Please show us where our treasures are so that we are not invested in the wrong kingdom. May your Words demolish the defenses we have placed around our idols. Deliver us from evil Lord and give us yourself our true and daily bread. Amen.
by RobertCummins | May 8, 2014 | 19. The Resurrection
And we had our hopes up that he was about to deliver Israel.
The idea that God is about to do a new thing might be the cornerstone value of my particular faith community; and it makes some sense. Think about it, since the mercies of God are fresh every morning what could be more predictable than a new thing. Yet, for humans whose thoughts and ways are much lower than God’s the potential of getting the particulars of that new thing wrong are high given the theological, dispositional, experiential and physiological variables that inevitable color our thinking. But oh how we love particulars.
Have you ever gotten your hopes up that God was about to do something new that did not happen? If you have been a follower of Christ for more than 15 minutes you probably said, “Oh yeah.” Let me ask you, “What happened to your faith in the moment of negative realization? In the months and years since your unwelcome knowing?” From this crossroad there are a number of different paths one can take.
Victims
One path involves being emotionally wounded and blaming others for crushing our expectations. The travelers of this trail becomes victims who must carry the heavy loads of bitterness and resentment. They may abandon the notion of a good or a sovereign God altogether because he is perceived as either the perpetrator of or an accessory to whatever the perceived injustice may have been. This trail just goes in circles. Even though it leads nowhere its travelers generally go there proudly.
Users
Another trail that can be taken is one of theological alteration. Here God’s sovereignty is discounted or altogether removed from the equation. The reasoning that follows the alteration is tortured but it goes like this: I am a child of royalty – God gives me the desires of my heart – I didn’t get my particular desire therefore I must have used the wrong technique to get what God wanted me to have – I will now try this new technique so that I can acquire the new and greater thing from God. This traveler with their view of God as one who responds to manipulation is headed into a wilderness of error barren of relational intimacy with God.
Quitters
Another trail is quite short but popular nevertheless. Those taking it really just shift into neutral. They don’t want to renounce their faith. They want to retain the longterm benefits of Christianity (i.e. heaven) so they just settle into a manageable routine of Christian flavored activity and an unspoken vision of survival. They once took the risk. They put their hearts out there on some venture of faith only to have their expectations dashed. These travellers make an inner vow – a kind a pact with their own heart that says, “THAT will not happen again!” Since it is impossible to please God without faith (i.e. risk) this stalled-out traveler lives with the delusion that neutrality is safe.
Abiders
Then there is the one who, like all travelers, have their heart broken while living for that new particular thing that evaporated or exploded before them – knocking them down in the dirt. This one however has something in their heart that the victims, users and quitters did not. This one had abandoned their heart at the onset of the journey to a faithful shepherd who pledged to see them to their high places. It is his understanding of God that he is both good and sovereign. So even though their natural vision appears to have evidence to the contrary, he gets up off the ground and presses on. This traveller has just become a disciple of Jesus Christ.
God is indeed a rewarder of those who follow this pathway of faith where the disciple honors who God is and what he says above his own human appraisal of matters. The authentic disciple makes the same discovery that the Emmaus road travelers did: i.e.; The particulars of one’s expectations can be wrong. God was up to something far greater than establishing rulership over a geographic region or a singular nation. He is always advancing his kingdom one heart at a time.
Discipleship
As the heart relinquishes its primary bent on particulars the kingdom makes its advance. The heart may mourn briefly but its sorrow will be turned to joy as the disciple discovers that Christ himself is the prize and that the intimacy with him eclipses the realization of any set of under-imagined particulars. The trails that disciples follow is often harrowing. Because God’s intent of rewarding them with more of himself, he jealously attempts to protect them form putting their confidence and expectation in any of the myriad substitutes (idols).
Father, as you did with your disciples, open our hearts and eyes to grasp the bigger picture of your redemption. Help us to let go of all our idols – making way for you, the King of glory, to triumph in our hearts; winning our affections away from all the competition. May we see the great commission and its inherent pathway of abiding-discipleship with unprecedented clarity. In Jesus name. Amen.
by RobertCummins | May 7, 2014 | 19. The Resurrection
Poor Thomas. He wasn’t there when Jesus showed up. Thomas is among good company. I believe his experience highlights some important questions for those who would endeavor to take up their crosses and follow Christ. First; How are we to think about our relationship with God when we, for reasons we cannot grasp, seem to be absent when Jesus shows up? And probably more importantly, how is God feeling and thinking about us in that apparent disadvantaged circumstance?
More Lord!
During a season in the mid-90’s “More Lord!” with its unique command and declaratory flavor was prayed and spoken over thousands upon thousands of people around the world. Many, but certainly not all of those who received this prayer would say, “God indeed showed up!” Yet, there were those who earnestly desired to receive “more” who did not. They came but many left feeling much like the lonely girl who was not asked to dance at the big party.
I have many friends who got to dance at those gatherings and others who did not even shuffle their feet. The presence of God was enjoyed by many but some left wondering what was wrong with them or worse – with those who were claiming to have been touched? To date some of these people have struggled in relating to each other. This is truly sad; people united in Christ yet divided by an apparent have / have-not encounter with God. In light of Thomas’ (and my own) experience, I feel qualified to weigh in on the subject of God encounters. You see, I’ve had a few and I’ve missed a few.
I came into the kingdom through a 2-phased God-encounter. The first phase was what most evangelicals refer to as “a salvation” experience. However it didn’t involve deep remorse over my sin or fear of hell. It involved a lonely young man who knew he was lost and felt that hell already had its grip on him. At the conclusion of a church service (which I stumbled into while trailing a girl) I was asked if I would like to invite Jesus Christ into my heart as my personal savior. I recall my words as if they were yesterday. With more earnestness than I had ever spoken, I said, “I don’t have a clue what your talking about. But, I will do this; I will give my life unconditionally to Jesus and He can do anything He wants with it.” And I did. To my utter astonishment, He took me at my word!! Over a period of a few weeks my heart was put to rights. Although this experience was radically transformational, it did not contain much emotion or drama beyond the miracle of peace in my heart and freedom from bondage.
The second phase of my kingdom initiation happened after I had reconnected with some old friends and twisted off over a wild weekend. To say I felt miserable afterword would be a gross understatement. Because I had lost the peace and the joy that had consumed my heart for several months, I assumed I had lost my union with the One who had initially provided it. Its hard to describe how fearful and desolate my heart felt considering the prospect of having squandered the most precious thing I had ever experienced. As I headed back to my home on a two hour drive I experienced something that accounts for the reason I have spent the past 37 years mostly among those with Pentecostal leanings. Evangelicals withdrew the right hand of fellowship when I told them about this experience.
10,000 words would not due justice in describing what happened after I told God how deeply sorry I was for squandering the joy and the peace He had so freely and liberally given me. I learned a few things in my hour-long, mostly one sided response from God to my broken heart’s plea to please do not take his Holy Spirit from me. A few things for sure; God was not in the least angry with me. (Wow!!) He made it abundantly clear that He was my father and that he would always rescue me when I called out to him. (Whew!!) It was also super clear that God is still speaking today and His unseen presence can be manifest to a human spirit. (OMG!!) OK, just a few more things; (Its really hard to stop once I get started on this subject.) The majesty of Jesus’ name is incomprehensible and the dimensions of God’s love are unfathomable!
I love using words to describe our inner life with God – this realm where our spirits connect with his. But, I have to simply say that after having encountered him as I did, human language is a pitifully inadequate tool for this task. My very best effort could only bring us near the approaches of God’s kingdom expanse. And, even then, it would be my encounter not yours. So, what’s to be done with our “More Lord!” sentiments and petitions?
Oh how very deeply I wanted my mid-1990’s “More Lord!” prayers to result in a re-visitation of God that would inspire me as had in 1976. I felt that I needed that wind of eternal inward life to move me through a deep slough of despond. It was not to come however, at least not as I had anticipated. I exhausted myself trying to chase down a “more Lord”-encounter. I eventually prayed something like this. It might sound familiar….
“I don’t have a clue what you are doing God but I will do this; I will (once again) give my life unconditionally to you. You can do anything you want with it. To my utter astonishment, He took me at my word and over a few years my heart was once again being put to rights. I had also told God, if revival was what you’re are after, I volunteer my heart as a launching pad.
If you read the bible and you listen to the Body of Christ at-large it is clear that God arranges for (or permits) some to experience him in dramatic fashion. We may think of these people as blessed ones, having been touched by the Holy Spirit and I truly believe they are. However, Jesus also says….
“Because you have seen Me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”
Because I have been one who has seen and also one who did not see as he had wished I want to say thank you to the Lord for permitting both but especially my season of not seeing – that season where waiting was my only option. In that unwanted (even resented) season I made the counterintuitive discovery that while I was striving for more I already had all of him in-Christ. I am only speaking for myself, but in my “More Lord!” prayer there was some unbelief, restlessness, dissatisfaction and complaint mingled in with my legitimate hunger. I might as well have said, “Not enough Lord!”
The strife that was woven into my prayers, that I had labelled and sanctified as holy zeal may have been the appropriate prayer for the moment but it was by no means the long term condition God aspired for my heart. God wanted rest for my soul.
There is a unique place in God where we deal with the apparent contradictions of hunger and rest, where we are deeply satisfied with each moment in him and yet are simultaneously asking for greater revelations and expansion of his kingdom. In my hour long experience with God I was blown away but in my extended season of painful waiting I experientially discovered my identity in Christ. I have been the beneficiary of those moment-in-time, one-off encounters but I have been even more strongly impacted by the process of waiting for God and walking with him through life’s circumstances. This is what I understand to be discipleship.
Many who felt out of place in the gatherings of the mid-90’s have run to the bible as their sole or primary source of revelation. (Truth be known, whole denominations have done the same.) And on the other hand, it seems that the bible has become less important to those effected by the more pentecostal experiences. From where I stand today in my sojourn with Jesus, I pray;
Father help us to recognize our completeness in Christ. However impressive it might look, purge every ounce of religious striving from our being. At the same time, return to our heart’s their childlike joy and faith that unashamedly sees and asks for more and rightly understands your goodness and generosity. Teach our insecure hearts to embrace both the Word and the Spirit and to honor all men in their particular experience with you. Amen.
Epilogue; If you read the whole passage you find that Thomas eventually has his encounter with a very patient Lord who will not loose a single one that has been given him. We are his inheritance. He is supremely jealous and protective of us. It may be a mystery that goes unresolved while in our earthly bodies but in the process of putting our hearts and this world to rights he will use, as he always has, both encounter and process. For some, including Paul, God blesses them by just pouring out revelation, making the need of initial faith unnecessary. For others, he reserves for them the privilege of acquiring their birthrights by faith, preserving for them the upside-special blessing of those who have believed without seeing. The good news for disciples is that Thomas had his encounter and so shall we.
by RobertCummins | May 7, 2013 | 19. The Resurrection
5.6.13 Resurrection John 20:1-18
I hear much about declarations in my circles and I have been thinking (and feeling a bit left out) “Lord, What is my declaration?” I knew the answer immediately. My declaration is this;
“The resurrection life of Jesus Christ is mine and it is intended for my experience now and forevermore.
I assure you, if the old Rob were to have heard someone make this declaration, he would not have said “amen”. No, something in his heart would have leapt sideways and given this presumptuous soul wide birth. Down in my heart, I would have been shaken and privately galled by the certainty of such a statement. In truth, I would have been offended and intimidated by the freedom implied in this declaration. With knee-jerk instincts I would have rehearsed my sermon; Authentic Christianity, with its three main points. Please pay close attention. Your soul depends on it. (more…)
